Dealing with death is a life experience
that no one wants to face. No one knows the deep
ache and/or numbness one can experience
when they lose a loved one.
The death of a close or loved one is sure
to leave one devastated.
When this tragic event happens to
someone close, it's bound to
be accompanied by a
great deal of grief.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.
~From a headstone in Ireland
When you first heard the news... you probably felt emotionally numb.
There was probably an immediate sense of shock and disbelief.
Like "denial" in the dying process, disbelief helps to
insulate our emotions so we can deal with immediate
Once the initial numbness wears off, it's normal to cry.
Crying is a healthy emotional expression of grief,
so don't feel that you're being powerless or decrepit.
Grieving is uniquely personal. Sadness is natural, it is normal.
Let us not allow the world to put some arbitrary time limit on our grief.
Allowance must be made so that grief may be experienced
and processed over time.
It takes time and work to decide what to do
and where to go with the new and changed life
that is left behind.
Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
May looking back in memory
help comfort you
”Death is nearly always accompanied by questions -
Whether we are facing our
own death, or the death of
someone we love,
we want answers.
Why is this happening?
What did I do to deserve this?
Always remember and never forget:
God is with us as we struggle
with the many questions surrounding death.
The sooner we trust and accept those things we cannot
the easier it is to discover the answers we are
Each person responds differently to death.
When dealing with death, the solution is the same whether
the death is our own or that of a loved one. As hard as it is
to accept, we must understand that death is a part of life.
As some have quipped,
death is the only thing in life that comes with
a 100% guarantee.
Consider the story of
Job's grief in the Bible.
Job's wife did not
understand his grief.
His friends did their
best work the first
week when they just sat
and did not speak. It
was when they began
to share their
judgments of Job and
his life that they
complicated Job's grief.
While we are mourning the loss of our friend or loved one,
others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.
Resuming ordinary activities.
Starting at about six
months, most of us
will begin getting back into
our normal activities.
We'll continue to be
broadsided by occasional waves of grief. These waves of
grief will become less and less frequent, even
though they may be just as intense.
"You don't have to talk about the details of the death,"
is another innocent, but insensitive statement.
We somehow think we'll cause the bereaved more pain
by them talking about it,
but it's actually a part of healing.
Each time the bereaved can talk about the deceased,
they can gain emotional strength and comfort.
Talking about the details—even if it's cancer, suicide,
drowning, murder, or AIDS—
helps one past the denial stage
and on to dealing realistically with the death.
He who has gone,
so we but cherish
abides with us,
nay, more present
than the living
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
So, what's the best thing to say?
The most helpful thing is:
You can't go wrong with saying nothing.
A shared tear, a squeezed hand, a hug,
or just being there is usually the best help
we can extend to the bereaved.
When you are sorrowful
look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in
truth you are weeping
for that which has been
Growth and healing comes in recalling past experiences
with the deceased with pleasure rather than pain...
learning to enjoy memories.
To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell, "Hallowed Ground"
if one should say to you
that the soul perishes like
answer that the flower
but the seed remains.
Always remember and never forget:
“Those things that hurt,
The time is coming when you will revive your special,
God-given strengths in living.
If we could comprehend the glory God has for us...
life on earth would become intolerable...
we would long for Heaven.
In that city there will be no enemy, struggle, or failures.
There will be no more sorrow, crying, pain, or death.
Life does go on.