Grief
 

Dealing with death is a life experience

that no one wants to face. No one knows the deep

ache and/or numbness one can experience

when they lose a loved one.

 

 
The death of a close or loved one is sure
 
to leave one devastated.
 
When this tragic event happens to
 
someone close, it's bound to
 
be accompanied by a
 
great deal of grief.
 

 Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
 
love leaves a memory no one can steal. 
 
~From a headstone in Ireland
 

When you first heard the news... you probably felt emotionally numb.

There was probably an immediate sense of shock and disbelief.

Like "denial" in the dying process, disbelief helps to

insulate our emotions so we can deal with immediate

demands.

Once the initial numbness wears off, it's normal to cry.

Crying is a healthy emotional expression of grief,

so don't feel that you're being powerless or decrepit.

Grieving is uniquely personal.  Sadness is natural, it is normal.

Let us not allow the world to put some arbitrary time limit on our grief.

 
Allowance must be made so that grief may be experienced
 
and processed over time.
 
 

It takes time and work to decide what to do
 
and where to go with the new and changed life
 
that is left behind.

  

Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,

May looking back in memory

help comfort you

tomorrow.


~Author Unknown
  



Death is nearly always accompanied by questions -
 
 especially
 
"Why?"
 
Whether we are facing our
 
own death, or the death of
 
someone we love,
 
we want answers.
 
 
Why is this happening?
 
 
What did I do to deserve this?
 

Always remember and never forget:

God is with us as we struggle

with the many questions surrounding death. 

 
The sooner we trust and accept those things we cannot
 
change...
 
the easier it is to discover the answers we are
 
seeking.
 
 
 Each person responds differently to death. 

When dealing with death, the solution is the same whether

the death is our own or that of a loved one. As hard as it is

to accept, we must understand that death is a part of life.
 
 

As some have quipped,

death is the only thing in life that comes with

a 100% guarantee.


Consider the story of
 
Job's grief in the Bible.
 
Job's wife did not
 
understand his grief.
 
His friends did their
 
best work the first
 
week when they just sat
 
and did not speak. It
 
was when they began
 
to share their
 
judgments of Job and
 
his life that they
 
complicated Job's grief.
 

 
 While we are mourning the loss of our friend or loved one,
 
others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. 
 
~John Taylor
 
 
Resuming ordinary activities.
 

 
Starting at about six
 
months, most of us
 
will begin getting back into
 
our normal activities.
 
We'll continue to be
 
broadsided by occasional waves of grief. These waves of
 
grief will become less and less frequent, even
 
though they may be just as intense.  
 

 
"You don't have to talk about the details of the death,"
 
is another innocent, but insensitive statement.
 
We somehow think we'll cause the bereaved more pain
 
by them talking about it,
 
but it's actually a part of healing.
 
Each time the bereaved can talk about the deceased,
 
they can gain emotional strength and comfort.
 
Talking about the details—even if it's cancer, suicide,
 
drowning, murder, or AIDS
 
helps one past the denial stage
 
and on to dealing realistically with the death.
 
 
He who has gone,
 
so we but cherish
 
his memory,
 
abides with us,
 
more potent,
 
nay, more present
 
than the living
 
man. 
 
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
 
 
 

So, what's the best thing to say?

The most helpful thing is:

You can't go wrong with saying nothing.

A shared tear, a squeezed hand, a hug,

or just being there is usually the best help

we can extend to the bereaved.

 
When you are sorrowful
 
look again in your heart,
 
and you shall see that in
 
truth you are weeping
 
for that which has been
 
your delight. 
 
~Kahlil Gibran
 
 
 
Growth and healing comes in recalling past experiences
 
with the deceased with pleasure rather than pain...
 
learning to enjoy memories.
 
 

 To live in hearts we leave behind


Is not to die.


~Thomas Campbell, "Hallowed Ground"

 

 

  Oh heart,

if one should say to you

that the soul perishes like

the body,

answer that the flower

withers,

but the seed remains. 

 

~Kahlil Gibran

 

 Always remember and never forget:

“Those things that hurt,

instruct."

 

  The time is coming when you will revive your special,

God-given strengths in living.

 

If we could comprehend the glory God has for us...

life on earth would become intolerable...

we would long for Heaven.

In that city there will be no enemy, struggle, or failures.

There will be no more sorrow, crying, pain, or death.

 

 Life does go on.

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