After many years of trying to work through the shock, 

perplexities, confusion, the over-whelming grief, 

hurt and disappointment, from the multiple losses in our 

immediate family and a couple of close friends (back to 

back), in the midst of the painful losses, I was being 

slandered while trying to deal with the deaths and 

the blatant and unscrupulous acts of my younger 

brother and only living sister. What adds insult to the 

disgusting injuries is... the two older brothers, who 


the hellish hand I was dealt, 

did not have the guts to stand for truth and speak up. 

My brothers abandoned ship and put their own interest 

first. They seemed to be totally oblivious to everything 

that they were eye-witnesses to. They flipped the script 

and partnered with the silent thief, deceiver, destroyer, and 

murderer, Satan. 

I thought to myself, these men have naively fallen for 

the tricks of the enemy. Their unconscionable silence left 

me feeling hurt, abandoned, and baffled because I didn't 

have a frame of reference for any of this. I was left to 

piece together and try to make sense of this new 

reality... the "new normal"... which was neither nice or 


I felt like the following quotes of 

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 

were appropriate... 

for such a time as this:

"The hottest place in Hell 

is reserved for those who remain neutral 

in times of great moral conflict."

"Every man must decide whether he will

walk in the light of creative altruism 

or in the darkness of destructive selfishness."

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous 

than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

"If a man has not discovered something 

that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."

"The ultimate measure of a man 

is not where he stands in moments of comfort 

and convenience, but where he stands 

at times of challenge and controversy."

"The first question which the priest 

and the Levite asked was:

'If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?' 


the good Samaritan reversed the question: 

'If I do not stop to help this man, 

what will happen to him?'"

"He who passively accepts evil is 

as much involved in it 

as he who helps to perpetrate it. 

He who accepts evil without protesting against it

is really cooperating with it."

"In the end, we will remember not the words 

of our enemies,

but the silence of our friends.”

"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression 

and cruelty by the bad people, 

but the silence over that by the good people."

"There comes a time when 

silence is betrayal."

When someone hurts us, for whatever reason, particularly 

someone who shares the same genes, the sting is 

painful, numbing, and baffling.

Where love, compassion, and support were 

so desperately needed, instead, 

I found myself on another battlefield. 


I wish I could answer that question intelligently. 

I wish I knew why so many people go sideways 

when death visits a family. 

Now, I am being accused, criticized, 

and lied on by the older brothers 

whom I looked up to and respected. 

Recently, the one brother I thought I could trust to 

break my silence with regarding a disturbing 

50 plus year old experience I encountered... 

has purposely broken the confidence.


When an individual is betrayed by someone, they lose 

trust in that person. In trusting another person, we believe 

that they won't hurt us; but when they do hurt us, we then 

have the awareness that this other person has the capacity

to hurt us. Therefore, we have lost something very 

important to the relationship.

For years I believed my older brother was a high soul, 

a God-fearing man who was upright, 

trustworthy, fair, and guided by integrity. 

Obviously, his actions proved that he was unable 

to be who I thought he was... or needed him to be. 

It is hurtful to be confronted with the painful reality 

and loss of, what I now realize was, the illusion of how 

and what I thought of my brothers.

It is hard enough when one is attacked 

and conspired against by the enemy and the world, 

but when the fiery arrows and toxic negativity is coming 

from those whom we love and have bared our soul to... 

the hurt becomes magnified.

The reason that betrayal is the most devastating kind of  

lossis because most often it is a loss that didn't have to 

occur. It only occurs because of someone's deliberately 

hurtful behavior, or their carelessness, or their own 

personal weakness. Unlike a loss such as death or illness, 

there is usually some sort of choice involved. The person 

who was  betrayed believes that the choice was wrong and 


I believe when someone betrays us, they are in a place 

where they are not respecting themselves. Anyone who 

lies and shatters trust, blatantly or by omission, or fails to 

communicate information that deeply impacts us, is lost to 


 Betrayal and shattered trust is probably the most 

devastating loss a person can experience. Once trust has 

been violated... it's hard to overlook the fact that the 

person, whom we once trusted, has the capacity to betray 


Betrayal resorts to sneakiness because one is unable to 

express what is in their heart and this, in and of 

itself, creates a certain kind of agony. 

Sometimes people are so desperate to feel something, 

anything, to break the chains of their own apathy or 

discomfort or despair, they just act out. 

My point is, a person who acts in a hurtful or careless way 

is not in a good place on his or her own path. Their current 

lack of kindness or integrity is not a reflection on us, or 

anything lacking within us. It’s a reflection of where they 

find themselves... on their own journey.

The transgressor's choice is to leave us in the dark, 

and that in and of itself can be painful. The inability to 

honor what was once considered a beautiful soul... 

is a real shame. 

No one deserves to be slandered or shunned, or left in a 

vacuum to try to figure out what has happened. 

Even if we did understand every nuance... 

it doesn't make it easier to go through...

it can still be very hurtful.

Sometimes our best hope of closure may 

be simple acceptance and the prayer that the transgressor 

will recognize that the hurt they caused was wrong.

Betrayal is one of life's hardest blows. 

Jesus knew what betrayal felt like.


Jesus was betrayed into the hands of His enemies, 

by Judas, 

for thirty pieces of silver, 

and Jesus was deserted by all the rest. 

The very people Jesus had helped, 

healed, fed, and encouraged cried… 


The very ones Jesus blessed… 

became His enemies.

Trust is the most vulnerable 

state of being. 

When we give it away... all our weaknesses are exposed 

to those who it has been given.

Betrayal is the vindictive violation of trust. 

A betrayal is an act of double-crossing another. 

The sting of betrayal can be dreadfully agonizing 

and become so embedded in our subconscious mind... 

that the betrayal may become too difficult to extract.

Betrayal is painful, but it can

also be a profound education.

Good results can come from less than good intentions

and become our blessings in disguise and that 

rude awakening we so desperately needed.

Familial betrayal is probably the most 

unconscionable and agonizing kind of 

betrayal anyone can experience. 

What makes it so hurtful is the fact that our trust 

is violated by someone we never knew 

could do or would hurt us.

The one person whom I thought I could confide in, 

was actually hiding everything from me.

This particular brother, was like "a bolt from the blue"... 

without warning or reason...

he became verbally insulting and hurtful. 

His words, condescending tone, and actions 

were unexpected, and wicked.

My brother accused me, sentenced me, 

and nailed me to the cross without thinking about 

the awful accusations he was making … 

versus, what he actually knows to be true.

He abruptly and dramatically began venting 

hostile, harsh, uncaring, mean-spirited, 

destructive, hurtful, and baseless allegations.

It seemed as if he had harbored those thoughts 

for a while and they were burning in his soul.

As he unleashed this cascade of hurtful and slanderous 

remarks... it was as if the truth he knew…

 mysteriously vanished. 

He totally disregarded the truth and seemed quite 

locked into the lies... and comfortable in sharing them. 

The lies he was spewing seemed more welcomed 

than the truth, and he did not appear to be interested in 

considering the full ramifications of his rantings.

It left me wondering if his intention was to 

antagonize me, elicit a certain reaction from me, 

or seriously wound me by those painful and poisonous 

accusations or if this was his way of escaping his own 

issues and emotions

His choice of descriptors were venomous 

and certainly not indicative of the brother 

I thought I knew or wanted him to be.

After my brother finished speaking, 

I just stood there in shock and disbelief. 

I tried to see who was speaking through him. 

It was as if he had been taken captive 

by a strange force that led him to act in a way that was 

and is still hard for me to comprehend. 

He acted as if he was finding solace in his attempts 

to torment, tear down, and weaken my spirit.

I thought to myself... there are people, sometimes those 

closest to us, who don't feel empathy. Some demonic 

forces are notorious at talking, taunting, tormenting, 

and intentionally hurling hurtful comments at others, and 

have no purpose other than, to insult, dishearten, or harm 

another with their ill-intentioned opinions and comments.


Thank God, I am rooted and grounded in God...

otherwise my brother's rantings would have had an 

opportunity to possibly dictate and define 

my reactions and behavior and have me trapped 

in a prison of pain, confusion, blame, and resentment. 

By the grace of God, I know that

my self-worth is not defined by a 

worldly approval rating.

I've also come to realize that the best way to end 

an argument is often by refusing to engage

in an argument. That's it... period.

When we have been hurt, before doing anything that we 

may regret later, let us take some space to pray and 

process everything. Our next best response is to seek out 

the tools that will help us to heal, learn, and grow through 

our experiences. 

Life gives us a choice: we can either be hardened by what 

happens along our journey, or we can give ourselves 

permission to be healed, learn the life lesson, 

and grow stronger through it. 

I highly recommend healing, learning, and growing. 

Through these experiences we can gain insight, 

understanding, compassion, and kindness. 

The human heart is resilient and we all naturally want to 

heal. Pain is part of the journey toward liberation from 

suffering. I firmly believe, God will never give us more 

than we can handle, and all things really do work together 

for our good.

With God in the forefront... going through, facing the 

situation, working with it, and leaning into it... 

can free us from all kinds of slavery and 

help us to better excel at life.