Instigators may be driving a wedge
and cutting the ties that bind
between you and your family.
Who are instigators?
Instigators are those who deliberately stir up trouble.
There is no rhyme, reason, or emotional
understanding with an instigator.
They are toxic, mean-spirited, and empty people.
They are inciters, messy agitators, troublemakers,
rabble-rousers, provocateurs, hell raisers, and meddlers
who are notorious and well-practiced at
crazy-making and bullying.
Can two people
(Amos 3:3 New Living
The person we choose to stand with often indicates
the belief we embrace.
"With" and "against"
shows not just the source,
but position in relationship to Jesus.
Men will often stand with a friend and,
without realizing it,
find themselves standing "against" God and His Word.
Let us ask ourselves...
does this relationship diminish or
We face an active enemy, every single day, who tries,
non-stop, to manipulate situations, block our progress
(physically, mentally, and spiritually). He tries to hurt us,
destroy us, or if nothing more... leave scars he can
attack at will, so that we become so preoccupied with
pain, disappointment, confusion, and chaos...
that we are left feeling like we've had the life force
sucked out of us.
Satan wants to gain ground in our
lives. Our families are under attack.
Satan's primary goal is to kill, steal,
destroy, divide, set us up to lose, oppress us,
cause a whirlwind of chaos, and wreak havoc.
We can never get so comfortable
and let our guards down.
Let us not be fooled. Satan is a very cunning, unfair,
evil, and deceptive foe.
He wants us to fail; he wants us to quit;
he wants us to stumble, fall, and die.
He wants to render us as losers and
Satan is a thief, a liar, a tempter, and a schemer.
Satan is notorious for twisting the truth,
and seeking to devour us when we are at our weakest
and most vulnerable.
Jesus describes Satan as "a murderer from the beginning,
not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him.
When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is
a liar and the father of lies" (John 8:44).
If we stay on guard for only the obvious attacks,
Satan will sneak in the back door with subtle lies.
He can lure us into unethical decisions, vices, or
unhealthy relationships... one small step at a time.
Satan thrives on conflict.
Satan wants nothing more than to enter certain areas
of our lives so he can gain a stronghold.
He will try anything to throw us off center,
distract us from our focus, and render us ineffective
for the Kingdom of God.
We need to know who the enemy is.
Satan is real, alive, crafty, and busy!
and cease trying to deal with the devil
in our own strength.
Depending on God
is basic to the Believers' life.
We trust in and depend on God for our salvation
We depend on God for wisdom (James 1:5).
we depend on God for everything
(Psalm 104:27) and in everything
The psalmist teaches God’s reliability with
the three-fold description
“God is my Rock, my Fortress
and my Deliverer”
God has much to say about Satan's devious schemes.
And though God never tells us to be afraid,
God does tell us to be on guard and to live aware.
We must know his schemes and understand
Satan's battle tactics; otherwise,
he is going to have a field day.
We must figure out what or who
is drawing us.
We face an active enemy, every single day,
who is notorious for dividing families.
All Satan needs is to make a hairline fracture
into the foundation of our families.
Once he is able to penetrate the foundation…
it's only a matter of time before the entire structure
starts to crumble.
People who scatter the flock of Jesus
are clearly "against Jesus."
The wicked and divisive may believe that they
have gotten away with their evil, but
God sees all...
and will judge all.
Wicked people may even fool most of the people...
most of the time,
but they cannot fool God.
They will eventually pay... if not in this life,
they will pay in eternity.
Let us ask ourselves this question:
"Is the person we are listening to
scattering or gathering the flock?"
The answer to that question
will indicate the source:
Is it God or Satan?
We may be attacked with lies from people
we would never have believed would do such a thing...
this is how Satan works;
by planting accusations in the minds...
he makes communication and reconciliation difficult.
Satan's voice will try to turn us against individuals
who are God-fearing, faithful, and trustworthy.
He will try to have us thinking those whom are
trustworthy... cannot be trusted, cannot be dealt with,
and they are the enemy, and must be fought
or avoided. The unrighteous will sow suspicion...
in the name of Satan’s game.
Satan and his helpers are notorious for pouring negative
emotions into others, grounding suspicions in facts,
at least partially, and subtly adding assumptions
about people’s motives.
Our enemy is a clever, lying, expert con artist.
As part of his divide-and-conquer tactic, he will develop
small seeds of dissension that are capable of destroying
our relationships and our families.
We must watch vigilantly for Satan's efforts through the
discernment of the Holy Spirit and not simply rely on
our own common sense.
Satan knows military doctrine like nobody else,
and one of war’s basics is “Divide and conquer.”
Satan uses his preferred weapon,
the one for which he’s named:
accusation (diabolos, the devil, means accuser).
Anytime a general can divide enemy forces,
he’s in a position to defeat them in detail.
Let is not fall for Satan's lies.
God has a plan for our lives.
The enemy has a plan for us too.
Satan is determined to rob us of all the
wondrous blessings God has for us.
We have to determine which voice
we’re going to listen to,
and who we will choose to follow.
The oldest living brother and I were very close.
In the midst of all of the family drama... his female
companion decided she would express to me how
much she hated me and couldn’t wait to see me living
under a bridge.
She did not want my brother and me to have any
communications. My brother even told me, on many
occasions, that she would constantly put me down...
and was very negative and dismissive about
anything which concerned me.
I often believed that she saw our sibling relationship as
too powerful for her to endure. So, she became hell-bent
with poisoning it.
Some people have an amazing capacity to actively micro-
manage their partners and will go over and beyond to ruin
Consequently, she has been able to negatively influence
my brother and his liberty. We are now divided, and the
wedge is keeping us from standing together as a united
front. We no longer have a close bond and neither do we
communicate. He seems okay with these destructive
tactics used by his toxic partner.
I have not addressed my brother regarding any of the
awful chatter from his companion... because I don't
know what to expect and do not desire to annoy, harass,
or fight the dysfunction and possibly give the situation
I have opted to give the sibling relationship space. Maybe
when the dust settles we can reassess the situation and get
right at the heart of this cold war.
As it stands... this situation has drained stress levels and
disrupted the family dynamic.
My prayer is that, God will work it all out so that we may,
maturely, approach and resolve this sibling breakdown
with empathy and greater compassion.
“Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed.
A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart.”
Some people are remarkably susceptible
to suspicious thoughts about others.
They never consider that the accusing voice
in their heads might be Satan.
The Evil One knows which individuals have
immature conflict-management skills. These
self-centered individuals rarely go to people they harbor
suspicions against with a humble spirit and open mind.
Instead they become bitter, senseless, foolish,
treacherous, and will try to draw us into a drama
battle. They will spread their suspicions to others, and
often exaggerate for effect.
Divisive people deliberately and aggressively form
cliques of haters who will stand with them. They will
go as far as contacting others with the aim of dividing
and pitting one person against another. They may even
travel from place to place with the intention of causing
division, unrest, confusion, disharmony, and all kinds
of vile and evil acts.
I appeal to you, brothers,
to watch out for those who cause divisions and create
obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have
been taught; avoid them.
I was floored that my brothers,
knowing the facts and being able to give a verbal account
of all the events that have transpired and witnessing all of
the degradation, the scars of abuse, and almost two
decades of hell I have gone through with inheritances
which were taken from me... would withhold the truth.
They were even floored and appalled when all of these
My brothers bowed at the altar of compromise and shrunk
into silence. Instead of standing for the truth, they both
witnessed... they remained silent.
Too often we give in and shrink back
into a"Go along to get along"
Dishonesty comes in many shapes and sizes and
masquerades its behavior as acceptable. Even though
some people may be well intentioned, withholding vital
information is the same as lying by omission.
So often people sit back and say nothing when
something really needs to be said.
The only sense I can make of the silence is... my
brothers may fear retaliation from the main two bullies
in the family. They may fear being put through the same
ugliness that I have gone through.
As a general rule of thumb, if our ears hear one thing and
our eyes see another, we must face the facts...
those who provide cover for the misdeeds of others are
just as guilty as those who perpetrate the “crime.”
One may think that staying silent keeps them from being
involved in any conflict, but quite the opposite. Silence is
as much an active form of communication as talking.
Anytime we are involved in a situation, people are aware
of all the input and lack of it. If we disapprove and don't
say anything how helpful could that be? If the problem
persists and we did nothing...it could be considered as
enabling the wrong-doers. This would deem the issue as
much our fault as the person(s) who actually caused the
problem. We may even destroy trust and create resentment.
People rarely thank others for withholding vital
information that could right a gross wrong.
It is one thing to have trouble talking about something
and it’s another thing to create pacts of silence.
Silence is one way of repressing the truth, locking it
away, muffling guilt, and pretending the events never
happened. As a result, the truth usually gets lost over time.
Withholding vital information
is just as damaging as lying. When one withholds relevant
information, they are eyewitnesses to, in order to sway a
person’s judgment in some way, then it appears one is in
fact being deceptive and promoting their own self-
interests at the expense of others.
Withholding pertinent information, eye-witnessed, can
create destructive and harmful consequences
to and for everyone.
This is baffling!
It is, yet,
another dismal low in our family
It's amazing to see how my siblings can withdraw to
silence... when simply speaking truth could right a wrong.
On the other hand, these same individuals will readily
and intentionally broadcast all kinds of sensitive and
personal information about me, at the drop of a
hat, to people who don't even have our best interest at
In my experience, these individuals are most inclined
to hurt us in an attempt to gain a sense of intimacy,
without building trust.
Personal Privacy helps individuals
maintain their autonomy and individuality.
People have a right to peaceful enjoyment, without being
disturbed or harassed by others who have voluntarily
decided to take it upon themselves to share our personal
affairs and issues like it's headline news or
a bestselling book.
Respecting privacy is essential to building trust between
people and for personal security reasons.
Receiving respect from others is important because it
helps us to feel safe and to express ourselves.
Respect means that you accept somebody for who they
are, even when they're different from you or you don't
agree with them. Respect in your relationships builds
feelings of trust, safety, and well-being.
My brother, who spoke harshly to me, knows
that I value discretion and privacy, yet, he violated my
I have chosen to live a quiet life, especially these
days, with the epidemic of oversharing which is ever
present in today's culture. I'm not anti-social, just
selectively social. I choose very carefully who to
open up with. I don't believe those who don't have my best
interest at heart have earned the right to hear or know my
story or my every move I make... good, bad, or
indifferent. I believe we all should be able to choose who
we want in our inner circle or on the outskirts.
He, now, seems to be needy for acceptance
from the older brother and the klan of crabs in the barrel.
His acceptance seems to be based on how well he
entertains those, inside the barrel of crabs, who don't have
my best interest or welfare at heart with smear campaigns.
In their presence he is full of gossipy chatter making
unfounded slanderous remarks about me, and giving
updates about my personal affairs.
This particular sort of betrayal and undermining is, in my
opinion, very treacherous, damaging, and weak.
It’s as if both older brothers, by their actions and words,
are purposely searching for some kind of fault in an
attempt to destroy my reputation.
They seem to be exerting enormous time and energies
with slanderous remarks and criticisms of me to others.
It appears they are projecting their pain, fears, and
limitations onto me.
They are acting more like dream-stealers, enthusiasm
killers, and bubble bursters who don't want me to look
within and listen to the inner voice (my soul's calling).
It seems like they are busying themselves by creating
obstacles so that I am unable to celebrate my purpose for
being here, discover my true and higher self...
my life's purpose.
When we spend all of our time being vindictive,
malicious, digging up and creating faults in others...
we are in essence in constant destroy mode
rather than building mode.
A perverted heart spreads strife and devises
malicious, vicious, vindictive, and evil scheming...
A perverted heart consciously considers
how to do that which is hurtful to others.
A perverted heart is full of malicious, vicious,
and vindictive scheming.
According to the Scriptures...
such people are an abomination
in God's sight!
Those who perversely scheme
against others in their hearts...
will reap a harvest of woe!
If my two older brothers would be honest...
they would tell the truth and admit that
I’ve been vilified... without cause.
I am thankful that God knows that I have not wronged
The more people conspire and spread lies...
the more lies can spiral into uncontrollable avalanches
of unfounded and hurtful allegations!
I'm still confused about the events leading up to
the relationship breakdowns with my brothers.
I’m trying to make sense out of the nonsense…
to no avail.
One thing I have come to realize is... it's useless to argue
or attempt to defend ourselves when one has become
comfortable with toxic and mean-spirited behavior.
So often people can't overcome their own barriers
to tell the honest truth.
Most incredibly, some would rather cave and flip flop
back into the bucket of crabs so they can be liked by those
who aggressively bullies and intimidates them into
As a result, some people find it easier
to fall for anything than to stand for righteousness.
It's as if part of the initiation, back into
the bucket of crabs,
is to destroy my character, my zest for life,
and sabotage my desire to walk in my calling.
Some people feel threatened if a little light is cast on
others. They just don't want to see others succeed.
The bucket of crabs does not have a lid on it. Everyone
could actually get out of the bucket and complement
each other... rather than compete against each other.
This could be easily accomplished when we decide to
work with each other rather than against each other.
Why is it so difficult to celebrate someone else's good
fortune and experience happiness with others? Living out
one's artistic expression and leaping into the unknown in
an effort to discover, uncover, and reveal the beauty
within... is an amazing testimony of one's faith.
It's been said that "The first sign of sanity is to see
our own advantage in someone else's good fortune."
Life is so brief. None of us are getting any younger.
We don't have time to be shackled in the dark with petty
gossip, nit-picking, being verbally abusive, using
manipulation and abuse tactics like name calling,
mocking, bullying, character defamation,
berating, and criticizing.
Satan wants us to make it our goal... our responsibility
to interfere, block, stop, redirect, and create drama
and misery in the lives and affairs of others.
This is not only unproductive...
it is nuts!
For some reason, people think they have more time
than we do... and we really don't. Let us always consider,
cherish, and protect our time.
We need the light of God
to shine on us...
shackles, shame, and all. That light is the understanding
that sets us free!
What is the driving force in your life?
What occupies your time?
What influences your conversations
We are so much more than
I believe we all have a special work to do as we are
journeying through life. We all have something to
contribute. I believe God is able to work through us and
use us as a channel... an instrument for positively good
As for me... I desire to live my greatest truth and
consciously cultivate joy... the kind of joy that leads me
closer to God and distancing myself from the drainers of
I truly believe that life is worth nothing unless we do the
work assigned to us by God. Sharing God's mighty
kindness and love, the Good News, does a
remarkable work in the heart, and it can change
Contrary to what some on the sidelines may say...
one does not have to be perfect to tell others about what
they've learned and experienced about God.
Yes, God's standard is perfection, make no mistake about
it, but none of us are perfect... we are flawed sinners by
birth and by choice. "There is none righteous, no not one"
(Romans 3:10) and all have come short of the glory of
We must always guard ourselves against the evil one who
attempts to put such an impossible standard on God's
people. Even the strongest believer can become
discouraged and give up because they don't measure up, or
they can become hypocrites who claims that they are
perfect... when they are not.
Trust... it is not about us. It is God, Who is perfect, Holy
and worthy to be praised. It is all about God and our
looking to God for everything required to live this life.
Without God we are inadequate... so imperfect.
Think about it...
We all have an inherent gift within us...
a loving part of our spirit that we were born with...
a place of love which yearns to be expressed.
This loving place yearns to contribute what it can to life.
This is where our energies should be placed.
We should be cultivating that loving part of our spirit.
We should be cultivating that beautiful and meaningful
work. God has placed wonderful talents and gifts within
us that can serve the world in amazing ways.
The wise will never diminish the pure beauty within them.
They try to figure out what is most important in life
and then invests most of their time in developing that
We all should be discovering, uncovering, and
trying to reveal the beauty within us.
Time is precious and does not
discriminate. None of us can be certain
that we have plenty of time to spend.
We often waste the glorious days of our lives in pursuing
things which are totally insignificant.
May we come to realize that undue concern with trivial
matters, especially of a small-minded, unnecessarily
unkind, juvenile and of a spiteful nature
are unproductive and completely worthless.
We all have a calling on our lives. Let us not waste this
precious resource engaged in activities
that are hurtful and harmful towards others.
Every minute, someone leaves this world behind.
Time is a limited resource. We are living years,
months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds
that we will never get back...
and breathing air that we will never breathe in again.
Once we reach a certain age and look back on life, we
ponder, and perhaps regret, the immense opportunity costs
of our past relationships and the things we did.
The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to be
useful, to have our time spent on this journey make a
difference so that future generations may become
empowered... eager to learn, ready to grow,
and willing to do what is right. They will be blessed to
benefit from the morsels we left behind...
rather than be impaled by a life which was lived in crazy-
One day life will come to an end. Think about it...
we never really know when too late is too late.
What a shame to look back with regret that
we didn’t live life, but wasted it.
We may waste money, but when we waste our time...
we’ve lost a part of our life that we cannot recoup. Our
time is an entirely non-renewable resource. Once our time
is gone... no matter who we are... we simply cannot get
The time spent trying to wreak havoc in another's life...
will never return.
It may be time to take a good look at how we are spending
Life is very brief. Life is fleeting. We are just a mist that
appears on the scene for a little while...
and then we vanish.
Let us respect and cherish the joys and not leave this life
and our assignments from God... unfinished.
When we can perceive beyond the limitations of the
world... we come to realize we are a part of this vast
universe and the ripples of energy we send out has the
power to affect others in a positively good way.
As we allow the small self to die, we can live each day to
the fullest, and humbly submit to
God's plan and perfect Will.
At all times, in all situations, let us try our level best
to do what we know is right, and live in a way
that won't end in regret.
Let us cherish and protect our time.
In the end, we may very well be able to
look back on life and have few regrets
about how we spent our time on this planet.
People are very quick to judge other people’s
shortcomings and they busy themselves, to an
unwarranted degree, in matters without right
or invitation. These same busybodies are
reluctant to look internally... and evaluate their own
Let us silence the noise and take time to review and
reconnect with our own truth and inner guidance and build
a foundation within.
It takes a lifetime to correct and fix ourselves.
Let us take an honest look, at our own life,
to see what we are leaving behind and sending ahead.
When we know who we are and what our purpose is,
in life... we will have no interest
in assuming the wrong lane.
Living in sync with God... leaves a legacy
that will bless instead of burden its recipients.
It will enrich us... I am certain,
What we say about others reflects on our own character.
Specifically, when we speak unfavorably of others, it not
only hurts the person our words are aimed at, but it also
damages our credibility and reputation in the process.
When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing
about that person; it merely says something about the
speaker and their inner emptiness and issues.
When our words persuade others to our point of view as to
the faults and shortcomings of someone who is not
present, we are taking unfair advantage of that person.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your
mouths, but only what is helpful for building others
up according to their needs, that it may benefit those
Just because there are no visible signs of scarring doesn't
mean that one has not been wounded.
Let us always remember...
God holds us responsible
for the pain we cause.
It is very disappointing to see these men,
whom I looked up to and respected,
have nothing to share with the world other than
devilish gossip, lies, and pettiness.
I don’t understand what any of my siblings have to gain
in being so hurtful and negative. These slanderous and
hurtful attacks couldn't possibly have any redeeming value.
Whatever it is...
Satan is having a field day blowing matters way out of
proportion and creating a petty and devilish situation.
I am reminded, however, that the means that man takes to
kill the character of another... becomes suicide of his own.
No one has ever attempted to wrong another
without being injured in return.
In the Sermon On The Mount Jesus was quite specific
about dealing with difficult people in love and humility:
Luke 6:27-36 reminds us...
“But to you who are listening I say:
Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat
you. 29If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them
the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold
your shirt from them. 30Give to everyone who asks you,
and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it
back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to
you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33And if
you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is
that to you? Even sinners do that. 34And if you lend to
those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is
that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be
repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them,
and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.
Then your reward will be great, and you will be children
of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and
wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.