Instigators may be driving wedge 

and cutting the ties that bind 

between you and your family.

Who are instigators?

Instigators are those who deliberately stir up trouble.

There is no rhyme, reason, or emotional 

understanding with an instigator. 

They are toxic, mean-spirited, and empty people.

They are inciters, messy agitators, troublemakers, 

rabble-rousers, provocateurs, hell raisers, and meddlers 

who are notorious and well-practiced at


crazy-making and bullying.

Can two people 

walk together 


agreeing on 

the direction?

(Amos 3:3 New Living 


Let us be careful who we stand with.

The person we choose to stand with often indicates 

the belief we embrace.

"With" and "against"

shows not just the source, 

but position in relationship to Jesus.

Men will often stand with a friend and, 

without realizing it, 

find themselves standing "against" God and His Word.

Let us ask ourselves...

does this relationship diminish or 

benefit anyone?

We face an active enemy, every single day, who tries, 

non-stop, to manipulate situations, block our progress

(physically, mentally, and spiritually). He tries to hurt us, 

destroy us, or if nothing more... leave scars he can 

attack at willso that we become so preoccupied with 

pain, disappointment, confusion, and chaos... 

 that we are left feeling like we've had the life force 

sucked out of us. 

Satan wants to gain ground in our 

lives. Our families are under attack.

Satan's primary goal is to kill, steal, 

destroy, divide, set us up to lose, oppress us, 

cause a whirlwind of chaos, and wreak havoc. 

We can never get so comfortable 

and let our guards down. 

Let us not be fooled. Satan is a very cunning, unfair,

evil, and deceptive foe.

He wants us to fail; he wants us to quit; 

he wants us to stumble, fall, and die.

He wants to render us as losers and 

completely ineffective.

Satan is a thief, a liar, a tempter, and a schemer. 

Satan is notorious for twisting the truth, 

and seeking to devour us when we are at our weakest  

and most vulnerable.  

Jesus describes Satan as "a murderer from the beginning, 

not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. 

When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is 

a liar and the father of lies" (John 8:44). 

If we stay on guard for only the obvious attacks, 

Satan will sneak in the back door with subtle lies. 

He can lure us into unethical decisions, vices, or 

unhealthy relationships... one small step at a time. 

Satan thrives on conflict.

Satan wants nothing more than to enter certain areas 

of our lives so he can gain a stronghold. 

He will try anything to throw us off center, 

distract us from our focus, and render us ineffective 

for the Kingdom of God. 

We need to know who the enemy is. 

Satan is real, alive, crafty, and busy!

When we become so beside ourselves

 and begin to think we are invincible... 

and we can handle the tricks of Satan... 

it's time to humble ourselves, 

bring the ego down to zero, 

and cease trying to deal with the devil 

in our own strength.

Depending on God 

is basic to the Believers' life. 

We trust in and depend on God for our salvation

 (Ephesians 2:8–9). 

We depend on God for wisdom (James 1:5). 

In fact, 

we depend on God for everything 

(Psalm 104:27) and in everything 

(Proverbs 3:5–6). 

The psalmist teaches God’s reliability with 

the three-fold description 

“God is my Rock, my Fortress 

and my Deliverer” 

(Psalm 18:2).

 Let us not be fooled to think we can’t be tempted.

God has much to say about Satan's devious schemes.


And though God never tells us to be afraid,


God does tell us to be on guard and to live aware.

We must know his schemes and understand 

Satan's battle tactics; otherwise, 

he is going to have a field day.

The unseen battles that surround us  

are very real.

We must figure out what or who 

is drawing us.

We face an active enemy, every single day, 

who is notorious for dividing families. 

All Satan needs is to make a hairline fracture 

into the foundation of our families. 

Once he is able to penetrate the foundation… 

it's only a matter of time before the entire structure 

starts to crumble.

People who scatter the flock of Jesus 

are clearly "against Jesus."

Let us pray and ask God to 

expose the schemes of the enemy.

The wicked and divisive may believe that they 

have gotten away with their evil, but 

God sees all... 

and will judge all.

Wicked people may even fool most of the people... 

most of the time,

but they cannot fool God.  

They will eventually pay... if not in this life, 

they will pay in eternity.

At the foot of the cross... the ground is level. 

One day there will be a judgment, 

and all will be brought to light.

Let us ask ourselves this question:

 "Is the person we are listening to

 scattering or gathering the flock?"

The answer to that question 

will indicate the source:

 Is it God or Satan?

We may be attacked with lies from people 

we would never have believed would do such a thing... 

this is how Satan works;

 by planting accusations in the minds...

 he makes communication and reconciliation difficult.

Satan's voice will try to turn us against individuals 

who are God-fearing, faithful, and trustworthy. 

He will try to have us thinking those whom are 

trustworthy... cannot be trusted, cannot be dealt with, 

and they are the enemy, and must be fought 

or avoided. The unrighteous will sow suspicion... 

in the name of Satan’s game.

Satan and his helpers are notorious for pouring negative 

emotions into others, grounding suspicions in facts, 

at least partially, and subtly adding assumptions 

about people’s motives. 

Satan goes beyond the call of duty to create friction. 

His main objective is to have us fighting one another, 

even turning against our own team. 

We lose power and effectiveness 

when we fight against ourselves. 

And nothing could make Satan happier 

than to see us at war with each other.

Our enemy is a clever, lying, expert con artist. 

As part of his divide-and-conquer tactic, he will develop 

small seeds of dissension that are capable of destroying 

our relationships and our families.

We must watch vigilantly for Satan's efforts through the 

discernment of the Holy Spirit and not simply rely on 

our own common sense.

 Satan knows military doctrine like nobody else, 

and one of war’s basics is “Divide and conquer.”

Satan uses his preferred weapon,

 the one for which he’s named:

accusation (diabolos, the devil, means accuser).

Anytime a general can divide enemy forces,

he’s in a position to defeat them in detail.

Let is not fall for Satan's lies.

Love does not rejoice in or at 


God has a plan for our lives. 

The enemy has a plan for us too. 

Satan is determined to rob us of all the 

wondrous blessings God has for us.

We have to determine which voice 

we’re going to listen to, 

and who we will choose to follow. 

The oldest living brother and I were very close. 

In the midst of all of the family drama... his female 

companion decided she would express to me how 

much she hated me and couldn’t wait to see me living 

under a bridge. 

She did not want my brother and me to have any 

communications. My brother even told me, on many 

occasions, that she would constantly put me down...

and was very negative and dismissive about 

anything which concerned me.

I often believed that she saw our sibling relationship as 

too powerful for her to endure. So, she became hell-bent 

with poisoning it. 


Some people have an amazing capacity to actively micro-

manage their partners and will go over and beyond to ruin 

family relationships.


Consequently, she has been able to negatively influence 

my brother and his liberty. We are now divided, and the 

wedge is keeping us from standing together as a united 

front. We no longer have a close bond and neither do we 

communicate. He seems okay with these destructive 

tactics used by his toxic partner

I have not addressed my brother regarding any of the

awful chatter from his companion... because I don't 

know what to expect and do not desire to annoy, harass,

 or fight the dysfunction and possibly give the situation 


I have opted to give the sibling relationship space. Maybe 

when the dust settles we can reassess the situation and get

right at the heart of this cold war. 

As it stands... this situation has drained stress levels and 

disrupted the family dynamic.

My prayer is that, God will work it all out so that we may, 

maturely, approach and resolve this sibling breakdown

 with empathy and greater compassion.

Jesus said, 

“Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed.

A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart.”

(Matthew 12:25)

Some people are remarkably susceptible 

to suspicious thoughts about others.

They never consider that the accusing voice 

in their heads might be Satan.

The Evil One knows which individuals have 

immature conflict-management skills. These 

self-centered individuals rarely go to people they harbor 

suspicions against with a humble spirit and open mind. 

Instead they become bitter, senseless, foolish, 

treacherous, and will try to draw us into a drama

battle. They will spread their suspicions to others, and 

often exaggerate for effect.

Divisive people deliberately and aggressively form 

cliques of haters who will stand with them. They will

go as far as contacting others with the aim of dividing 

and pitting one person against another. They may even 

travel from place to place with the intention of causing 

division, unrest, confusion, disharmony, and all kinds 

of vile and evil acts.

There is no limit to wicked deeds.

I appeal to you, brothers, 

to watch out for those who cause divisions and create 

obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have 

been taught; avoid them.

Proverbs 6:16-19

I was floored that my brothers, 

knowing the facts and being able to give a verbal account 

of all the events that have transpired and witnessing all of 

the degradation, the scars of abuse, and almost two 

decades of hell I have gone through with inheritances 

which were taken from me... would withhold the truth. 

They were even floored and appalled when all of these 

events transpired. 

My brothers bowed at the altar of compromise and shrunk 

into silence. Instead of standing for the truth, they both

witnessed... they remained silent. 

Too often we give in and shrink back

 into a"Go along to get along" 


Dishonesty comes in many shapes and sizes and 

masquerades its behavior as acceptable. Even though 

some people may be well intentioned, withholding vital 

information is the same as lying by omission.

My older brothers compromised the truth... by 

remaining silent. Sometimes silence can distort facts to 

consciously mislead and create false impressions.

  So often people sit back and say nothing when 

something really needs to be said.

The only sense I can make of the silence is... my 

brothers may fear retaliation from the main two bullies

in the family. They may fear being put through the same 

ugliness that I have gone through.

As a general rule of thumb, if our ears hear one thing and 

our eyes see another, we must face the facts...

those who provide cover for the misdeeds of others are 

just as guilty as those who perpetrate the “crime.”

One may think that staying silent keeps them from being 

involved in any conflict, but quite the opposite. Silence is 

as much an active form of communication as talking. 

Anytime we are involved in a situation, people are aware 

of all the input and lack of it. If we disapprove and don't 

say anything how helpful could that be? If the problem 

persists and we did could be considered as 

enabling the wrong-doers. This would deem the issue as 

much our fault as the person(s) who actually caused the 

problem. We may even destroy trust and create resentment.


People rarely thank others for withholding vital 

information that could right a gross wrong.

It is one thing to have trouble talking about something 

and it’s another thing to create pacts of silence. 

Silence is one way of repressing the truth, locking it 

away, muffling guilt, and pretending the events never 

happened. As a result, thtruth usually gets lost over time.

Withholding vital information 

is just as damaging as lying. When one withholds relevant 

information, they are eyewitnesses to, in order to sway 

person’s judgment in some way, then it appears one is in 

fact being deceptive and promoting their own self-

interests at the expense of others

Withholding pertinent information, eye-witnessed, can 

create destructive and harmful consequences 

to and for everyone.

This is baffling!

It is, yet, 

another dismal low in our family 


It's amazing to see how my siblings can withdraw to 

silence... when simply speaking truth could right a wrong.

On the other hand, these same individuals will readily 

and intentionally broadcast all kinds of sensitive and 

personal information about me, at the drop of a 

hat, to people who don't even have our best interest at 


In my experience, these individuals are most inclined 

to hurt us in an attempt to gain a sense of intimacy, 

without building trust.

Personal Privacy helps individuals 

maintain their  autonomy and individuality. 

People have a right to peaceful enjoyment, without being 

disturbed or harassed by others who have voluntarily 

decided to take it upon themselves to share our personal 

affairs and issues like it's headline news or 

bestselling book.

Respecting privacy is essential to building trust between

people and for personal security reasons.

Receiving respect from others is important because it

helps us to feel safe and to express ourselves. 

Respect means that you accept somebody for who they 

are, even when they're different from you or you don't

agree with them. Respect in your relationships builds

feelings of trust, safety, and well-being.

My brother, who spoke harshly to me, knows 

that I value discretion and privacy, yet, he violated my 


I have chosen to live a quiet life, especially these 

days, with the epidemic of oversharing which is ever 

present in today's culture. I'm not anti-social, just 

selectively social. I choose very carefully who to 

open up with. I don't believe those who don't have my best 

interest at heart have earned the right to hear or know my 

story or my every move I make... good, bad, or 

indifferent. believe we all should be able to choose who 

we want in our inner circle or on the outskirts.

He, now, seems to be needy for acceptance

from the older brother and the klan of crabs in the barrel.


His acceptance seems to be based on how well he

 entertains those, inside the barrel of crabs, who don't have 

my best interest or welfare at heart with smear campaigns. 

In their presence he is full of gossipy chatter making 

unfounded slanderous remarks about me, and giving 

updates about my personal affairs.

This particular sort of betrayal and undermining is, in my 

opinion, very treacherous, damaging, and weak.

It’s as if both older brothers, by their actions and words,

are purposely searching for some kind of fault in an

attempt to destroy my reputation. 

They seem to be exerting enormous time and energies 

with slanderous remarks and criticisms of me to others.

It appears they are projecting their pain, fears, and 

limitations onto me. 

They are acting more like dream-stealers, enthusiasm 

killers, and bubble bursters who don't want me to look 

within and listen to the inner voice (my soul's calling). 

It seems like they are busying themselves by creating 

obstacles so that I am unable to celebrate my purpose for 

being here, discover my true and higher self... 

my life's purpose. 

When we spend all of our time being vindictive, 

 malicious, digging up and creating faults in others...

we are in essence in constant destroy mode

rather than building mode.

A perverted heart spreads strife and devises

malicious, vicious, vindictive, and evil scheming... 


A perverted heart consciously considers

how to do that which is hurtful to others.

A perverted heart is full of malicious, vicious, 

and vindictive scheming.

According to the Scriptures...

such people are an abomination

 in God's sight!

Those who perversely scheme

 against others in their hearts...

will reap a harvest of woe!

If my two older brothers would be honest... 

they would tell the truth and admit that 

I’ve been vilified... without cause.

I am thankful that God knows that I have not wronged 

my siblings.


The more people conspire and spread lies... 

the more lies can spiral into uncontrollable avalanches 

of unfounded and hurtful allegations!

I'm still confused about the events leading up to 

the relationship breakdowns with my brothers.

I’m trying to make sense out of the nonsense… 

to no avail. 

One thing I have come to realize is... it's useless to argue 

or attempt to defend ourselves when one has become 

comfortable with toxic and mean-spirited behavior.

So often people can't overcome their own barriers 

to tell the honest truth.

Most incredibly, some would rather cave and flip flop

back into the bucket of crabs so they can be liked by those 

who aggressively bullies and intimidates them into 


As a result, some people find it easier 

to fall for anything than to stand for righteousness.

It's as if part of the initiation, back into 

the bucket of crabs, 

is to destroy my character, my zest for life, 

and sabotage my desire to walk in my calling.

Some people feel threatened if a little light is cast on 

others. They just don't want to see others succeed.

The bucket of crabs does not have a lid on it. Everyone 

could actually get out of the bucket and complement 

each other... rather than compete against each other. 

This could be easily accomplished when we decide to 

work with each other rather than against each other.

Why is it so difficult to celebrate someone else's good 

fortune and experience happiness with others? Living out 

one's artistic expression and leaping into the unknown in 

an effort to discover, uncover, and reveal the beauty 

within... is an amazing testimony of one's faith.

It's been said that "The first sign of sanity is to see 

our own advantage in someone else's good fortune."

Life is so brief. None of us are getting any younger.

We don't have time to be shackled in the dark with petty 

gossip, nit-picking, being verbally abusive, using 

manipulation and abuse tactics like name calling, 

mocking, bullying, character defamation, 

berating, and criticizing. 

Satan wants us to make it our goal... our responsibility 

to interfere, block, stop, redirect, and create drama 

and misery in the lives and affairs of others. 

This is not only unproductive... 

it is nuts!

For some reason, people think they have more time 

than we do... and we really don't. Let us always consider

cherish, and protect our time.

We need the light of God 

to shine on us... 

shackles, shame, and all. That light is the understanding 

that sets us free!

What is the driving force in your life?

What occupies your time?

What influences your conversations 

and decisions?

We are so much more than 

petty gossipers.

I believe we all have a special work to do as we are 

journeying through life. We all have something to 

contribute. I believe God is able to work through us and 

use us as a channel... an instrument for positively good 


As for me... I desire to live my greatest truth and 

consciously cultivate joy... the kind of joy that leads me 

closer to God and distancing myself from the drainers of 


truly believe that life is worth nothing unless we do the 

work assigned to us by God. Sharing God's mighty 

kindness and love, the Good News, does a 

remarkable work in the heart, and it can change 

people's lives. 

Contrary to what some on the sidelines may say...

one does not have to be perfect to tell others about what 

they've learned and experienced about God. 

Yes, God's standard is perfection, make no mistake about 

it, but none of us are perfect... we are flawed sinners by 

birth and by choice. "There is none righteous, no not one" 

(Romans 3:10) and all have come short of the glory of 

God" (3:23). 

We must always guard ourselves against the evil one who 

attempts to put such an impossible standard on God's 

people. Even the strongest believer can become 

discouraged and give up because they don't measure up, or

they can become hypocrites who claims that they are 

perfect... when they are not.

Trust... it is not about us. It is God, Who is perfect, Holy 

and worthy to be praised. It is all about God and our 

looking to God for everything required to live this life. 

Without God we are inadequate... so imperfect. 

Think about it...

We all have an inherent gift within us... 

a loving part of our spirit that we were born with... 

a place of love which yearns to be expressed. 

This loving place yearns to contribute what it can to life. 

This is where our energies should be placed. 

We should be cultivating that loving part of our spirit. 

We should be cultivating that beautiful and meaningful 

work. God has placed wonderful talents and gifts within 

us that can serve the world in amazing ways. 


The wise will never diminish the pure beauty within them. 

They try to figure out what is most important in life 

and then invests most of their time in developing that 


We all should be discovering, uncovering, and 

trying to reveal the beauty within us. 

Time is precious and does not 

discriminate. None of us can be certain

 that we have plenty of time to spend.

We often waste the glorious days of our lives in pursuing 

things which are totally insignificant. 

May we come to realize that undue concern with trivial 

matters, especially of a small-minded, unnecessarily 

unkind, juvenile and of a spiteful nature 

are unproductive and completely worthless.

We all have a calling on our lives. Let us not waste this 

precious resource engaged in activities

 that are hurtful and harmful towards others.

Every minute, someone leaves this world behind. 

Time is a limited resource. We are living years, 

months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds 

that we will never get back...

 and breathing air that we will never breathe in again.


Once we reach a certain age and look back on life, we 

ponder, and perhaps regret, the immense opportunity costs 

of our past relationships and the things we did.

The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to be 

useful, to have our time spent on this journey make a 

difference so that future generations may become 

empowered... eager to learn, ready to grow, 

and willing to do what is right. They will be blessed to 

benefit from the morsels we left behind... 

rather than be impaled by a life which was lived in crazy-


One day life will come to an end. Think about it...

we never really know when too late is too late. 

What a shame to look back with regret that 

we didn’t live life, but wasted it.

We may waste money, but when we waste our time... 

 we’ve lost a part of our life that we cannot recoup. Our 

time is an entirely non-renewable resource. Once our time 

is gone... no matter who we are... we simply cannot get 

any more.

The time spent trying to wreak havoc in another's life...

will never return.

It may be time to take a good look at how we are spending 

our energy.

Life is very brief. Life is fleeting. We are just a mist that 

appears on the scene for a little while... 

and then we vanish.

Let us respect and cherish the joys and not leave this life 

and our assignments from God... unfinished.

When we can perceive beyond the limitations of the 

world... we come to realize we are a part of this vast 

universe and the ripples of energy we send out has the 

power to affect others in a positively good way.

As we allow the small self to die, we can live each day to 

the fullest, and humbly submit to 

God's plan and perfect Will. 

At all times, in all situations, let us try our level best 

to do what we know is right, and live in a way 

that won't end in regret.


Let us cherish and protect our time.

In the end, we may very well be able to 

look back on life and have few regrets 

about how we spent our time on this planet.

People are very quick to judge other people’s

shortcomings and they busy themselves, to an 

unwarranted degree, in matters without right 

or invitation. These same busybodies are 

reluctant to look internally... and evaluate their own 


Let us silence the noise and take time to review and 

reconnect with our own truth and inner guidance and build 

a foundation within. 

It takes a lifetime to correct and fix ourselves.

Let us take an honest look, at our own life,

to see what we are leaving behind and sending ahead.

When we know who we are and what our purpose is,

 in life... we will have no interest 

in assuming the wrong lane.  

Living in sync with God... leaves a legacy 

that will bless instead of burden its recipients. 

It will enrich us... I am certain, 

throughout eternity.

What we say about others reflects on our own character. 

Specifically, when we speak unfavorably of others, it not 

only hurts the person our words are aimed at, but it also 

damages our credibility and reputation in the process.

When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing 

about that person; it merely says something about the 

speaker and their inner emptiness and issues.

When our words persuade others to our point of view as to 

the faults and shortcomings of someone who is not 

present, we are taking unfair advantage of that person.

God tells us in His Word that the tongue has incredible

 power. We can use our tongue to bring blessings and life

or curses and death. 

The saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but

words will never hurt me" is simply not true. Our tongues 

can be the most difficult thing to control and leave us with 

great regret if we use our words to hurt. 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of  your

mouths, but only what is helpful for building others 

up according to their needs, that it may benefit those 

who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

Just because there are no visible signs of scarring doesn't 

mean that one has not been wounded. 

Let us always remember... 

God holds us responsible 

for the pain we cause.

It is very disappointing to see these men, 

whom I looked up to and respected, 

have nothing to share with the world other than 

devilish gossip, lies, and pettiness.

I don’t understand what any of my siblings have to gain 

in being so hurtful and negative. These slanderous and 

hurtful attacks couldn't possibly have any redeeming value.

Whatever it is... 

Satan is having a field day blowing matters way out of 

proportion and creating a petty and devilish situation.

I am reminded, however, that the means that man takes to

 kill the character of another... becomes suicide of his own.

 No one has ever attempted to wrong another 

without being injured in return.

In the Sermon On The Mount Jesus was quite specific

 about dealing with difficult people in love and humility:

Luke 6:27-36 reminds us...

“But to you who are listening I say: 

Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 

28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat 

you. 29If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them 

the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold 

your shirt from them. 30Give to everyone who asks you, 

and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it 

back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you. 

32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to 

you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33And if 

you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is 

that to you? Even sinners do that. 34And if you lend to 

those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is 

that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be 

repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, 

and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. 

Then your reward will be great, and you will be children 

of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and 

wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.