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of their cause, can seriously harm
relationships if they are not
The longer we wait to address a misunderstanding,
the more difficult it is to resolve. If we don't
clear up our misunderstandings in a timely
manner, they may become the justification for
Misunderstandings are common and usually
harmless, but they can create friction
Perhaps someone misunderstood what we said
and is now upset with us. Perhaps they heard
our comments perfectly, but misinterpreted them.
Or perhaps they misinterpreted our silence in a
way that contradicted the message we were trying
I appeal to you, brothers,
to watch out for those who cause divisions
and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine
that you have been taught;
We may try to appear to others in a certain way,
but most people see us in a completely different light.
This is one of the most fundamental issues facing
People are frequently unaware that they are not
coming across as they believe they are.
There can be a significant difference between
how others perceive us and how we perceive
Misunderstandings and differences of opinion
occur even among the best of us; however, if not
addressed quickly and effectively, they can
lead to serious confrontations and/or the
destruction of relationships.
Misunderstandings can take many forms, such
as a quick look, a comment that someone
thought they heard and now angry about. It
could have been a failure to communicate,
or a failure to comprehend or see another's
point of view.
We may react angrily to relatively innocent
statements, because another voice in our heads
is speaking to us.
Miscommunications are common in social conflicts.
Conflicting parties communicate with one another
through what they say, do, or do not say, as well as
their actions toward one another.
Even normal conversations can result in
misunderstandings, but misunderstandings appear
to exacerbate the problem.
When two people disagree, it is common for them
to make negative assumptions about "the other."
As a result, a comment that appeared innocent when
two people were friends may appear aggressive
or threatening when the same people disagree.
Misinterpretations result in accusations and
conflicts, which eventually leads to war. The
sender has a message they want to deliver and
puts it in terms that best express what they are
thinking, but a variety of factors can occur to
prevent the intended message from being
Satan is a master at causing misunderstandings.
Satan will take our words out of the air, twist
them sinisterly, and hurl them at their intended
target... there will be no clear communication...
the original message will be unrecognizable.
It would be naive to believe that when there is
confusion, temptation, division, accusations,
misunderstandings, and lies... Satan and his
diabolical wrecking crew are not on the scene
wreaking havoc with their voices of
Only God knows what’s in our hearts, but He
would be happy to tell us if we asked.
We gain an understanding of what motivates others
when we listen to their viewpoints with an open mind,
and this breeds mutual respect, even if we don't
agree in the end.
Taking matters into our own hands before
seeking God's guidance in pursuing righteous
behavior can have disastrous consequences
Once we say something, there is no way to
get it back…we can’t recall it… it's out there.
It's easy to let our emotions run wild at times,
especially when there is turmoil and uncertainty.
We are quick to anger and speak... but slow to
truly listen to the perspective of another. As a
result, we let our frustrations permeate our
conversations, and before you know it,
it's all over social media!
Once our words are in the air, Satan, the
"prince of the air," uses those powerful
weapons against us. Satan knows exactly
how to agitate the situation.
Satan, our adversary, tries to overwhelm us
with his illogical, accusing spirit. His power
over the receivers could cause major squabbles!
Misunderstandings are a powerful tool that Satan
can use to divide people. Many quarrels are
frivolous... not because people are frivolous,
but because Satan attempts to pit us against each
The devil's favorite tactic is to
stir the pot and create confusion.
"The thief's sole purpose
is to steal, kill, and destroy."
Satan wields power over some people; he is a
corrupting force that intentionally causes pain,
harm, and danger. He spreads misinformation
in order to enrage others! He will instigate
people to destroy and/or murder one another.
He is both clever and divisive.
The enemy, Satan, wishes to gain access to our
minds and hearts, as well as a stronghold in our
affairs, in order to keep people divided through
exaggerated misunderstandings. He enjoys
watching miscommunications turn into gossip,
jealousy, envy, greed, and various ideological
and religious conflicts.
Satan wishes to have complete control over
people's lives. He convinces willing spirits of
what and how they should think. Satan positions
himself to appeal to or appease both the left and
right wing. He will employ deceptive power
tactics and purposefully mischaracterize people in
order to murder the spirit, kill the truth, assassinate
one's character, or outright murder another.
Satan is an evil liar and instigator. He feeds on
other people's negative energy. He is poisonous,
emotionally destructive, and cunning enough to
pretend to take people where he wants them to go
while tricking them into thinking they are steering
The devil is a skilled agitator. He is notorious
for tearing families apart and severing the ties
that hold them together. He clearly enjoys inciting
strife and hostility... creating fights and tearing
apart close family and communities.
He enjoys making other people look like idiots
and then laughing at them. Satan enjoys stirring
the pot by repeatedly pressing the replay button.
Return to James 1:20. "Be slow to become angry,
" the author advises, "since human indignation
does not produce the righteousness that
We all become annoyed. However, we are less
inclined to say anything that is harmful to a
relationship... if we allow ourselves time to cool
off before responding.
These things actually require intention.
We have to determine ahead of time whether
or not to do them.
We must guard ourselves against anyone
who is an instigating false witness.We must
be cautious of anyone who encourages false
testimony. We should also keep our tongues
from moving faster than our minds. Let us
remember that various people interpret different
figures of speech.
to anger makes for a peaceful existence.
We are engaged in an invisible spiritual battle
with a cruel enemy. He is shrewd, crafty,
cunning, rude, controlling, subtle,
malicious, and dangerous.
Satan is a real enemy who prowls the earth
looking for someone to devour.
He is evil and will go to any length to gain
new territory so that he can have a profound
influence on the human sphere by leading
God's people astray.
So, why do godly people quarrel?
The simple truth is that none of us are perfect,
and the devil works around the clock to cause us to
quarrel and even have people fighting, killing,
and bathing in their own blood... that's Satan's
job, and he works... nonstop.
The devil enjoys watching us argue with one
another. He's the one who tells us what the other
person is like... and why he or she does... or
doesn't do... something.
Let us not be duped by Satan!
Many of our disagreements stem from different
points of view and a lack of mutual understanding
of those points of view.
To move forward, both parties must have a clear
understanding. First, we should try to understand
the other person's perspective.
One method is to pay attention and sincerely
attempt to understand their concerns.
Pretending to listen while dismissing what they
say in our heads will exacerbate the situation.
Quarrels have the power to divide and separate
Satan is a highly divisive being, and one of his
oldest tactics is to...
"divide and conquer."
Satan realizes that if he can keep us divided,
he can keep us in a constant state of conflict.
From a Biblical standpoint, we recognize
that no one is perfect; however, we are
so quick to misunderstand a single action to
the detriment of our very soul.
When we believe that someone has committed
a wrong toward us, we frequently play the role
of prosecutor, judge, and jury.
Some disagreements occur when people
complain that others are not doing... what "they"
Jesus likened people to children playing in
the street, demanding that others should do
as they did... dance when they danced... and
mourn when they mourned.
To put it another way, what people see in others
reflects the unconscious aspects of themselves
that their ego is either unaware of or unwilling
Some people believe that what they do and how
they do it is correct and that everyone else is
Is that right?
Controlling people, who suppress and oppress
others, can be found everywhere.
They are present at work, social gatherings, our
families, and our personal relationships. In far
too many cases, controlling people can have a
much bigger impact than they should.
Controlling individuals frequently believe they
understand how others think, even when they
If we can't fully comprehend ourselves, how
can we expect to comprehend the who, what,
when, where, how, and why of others?
We must all agree that we have no means of
understanding what is going on inside another
Controlling people may grow frustrated when
their constructed image of another contradicts
what the other person constantly says and who
the other person truly is.
Even though we believe our intentions are pure
and good, there may be things there... that we
cannot see. We can be teachable and merciful
to others if we recognize this.
People are so easily drawn into fights, even when
they have no idea what they're fighting about! This
is especially true when we have a prejudice against
someone. Everything he or she says or does is then
Some people can rant for hours if the other party does
not respond, but it takes two to argue. Perhaps it is
more accurate to say that if one man attempts to
quarrel and the other man does not respond in kind,
the quarrel will lack the necessary fuel to be
The more spiritually mature we are... the more we
can contribute to peace by responding with gentleness
"When a wise man has a controversy with a
foolish man,there will be ranting and ridicule
and no satisfaction"
One of the most important considerations for
disagreements is that it is extremely difficult
for us humans to recognize our own imperfections.
We notice other people's faults but rarely our own
when we interact with people. If only we could see
our own flaws instead of focusing on the flaws of
In the end, only God has the authority to pass
judgment. God is aware of every detail about us.
God knows what we have and have not done.
God is aware of each of our specific handicaps, the
specific temptations that we find difficult, our
unique tendencies, the strengths He has given us,
and the harm that the devil has caused us.
The individual who has seen himself in
God's light becomes transformed. He loses
confidence in his own judgment and becomes
slow in passing opinions and judgments.
He knows that there may be different ways
of looking at things and doing things than
what he is accustomed to. He strives to put
himself in the shoes of others in order to
understand how they feel.
May we always remember
and never forget...
When we disagree with others, remember that
we may have misread the entire situation.
We can also be gracious to others when we
believe they have misunderstood us.
Jesus addresses His disciples personally in the
eighteenth chapter of Matthew, describing the
nature of our company and friendships.
If a God-fearing (Believer) brother or sister
offends, angers, saddens, or wrongs us in any way,
we are to confront them personally, one on one.
This method of problem resolution not only leads
to forgiveness, but it also gracefully resolves issues.
The conversation can be conducted quietly, lovingly,
One could wonder why the subject is to be kept
private between the two at first. Because our
affection for our brother/sister necessitates it.
If we are really devoted to loving our brethren
as Jesus commands (John 13:34), then even if a
brother has sinned against us or wronged us, we
will not want to purposefully harm that brother's
credibility within the body... which could
impede his restoration.
If this person's violation against the offended
is spread throughout the body, although he later
repents, many in the body will have already
judged this brother, and the allegations will
have harmed their opinion of him.
By spreading our allegations against an offender,
we create a consensus against them, making it
difficult, if not almost impossible, to restore that
person to the body if they repent and want to put
Furthermore, many alleged trespasses are the
consequence of "misunderstandings."
We must first examine the facts to determine
whether or not a trespass has occurred.
This is another reason why we must first... go
privately to the accused brother or sister... to
confront them with the alleged crime and hear
their side of the story.
If we tell our friends in the body about the offense,
we may subsequently realize that it was all a
misunderstanding. But by then, our allegations
will have harmed their reputation.
When we make the mistake of
telling a third party first,
misunderstandings can emerge,
souls may be lost, and Satan wins.
Let us endeavor to understand Satan's accusing
nature and history, the evil one, the first con man.
Satan is constantly on the lookout for ways to sell
us something he knows he will never be able to
Satan continues to deceive people by claiming
that if they follow his lead... they will be happy or
whatever else they want to hear.