Many brothers and sisters fight, despite the fact 

that some are fortunate enough to become the

 best of friends. Many siblings also find 

themselves switching up between loving 

and detesting one another, too!

Few relationships in life have a stronger bond

 than that between a parent and child. The 

bonding between siblings is the only other

 bond that even comes close to this. 

Siblings are our first taste of competitive rivalry.

They can also be a source of joy, pain, and 

everything else in between. 

Even though our siblings may end up being our 

biggest supporters and the only people on the 

planet who have experienced many of the same

 things as ourselves, brothers and sisters can have

contentious relationships as well.

Sibling rivalry is a set of 

behaviors or animosity 

between siblings.

During childhood, siblings typically spend 

more time together than with their parents. 

The relationship between siblings is frequently 

difficult and influenced by things like parenting 

practices, birth order, temperaments, and family 

members and experiences outside the family. 

When siblings are around the same age, 

gender, or whether one or both of them are 

naturally talented, high achieving, socially 

skilled, or academically gifted, sibling rivalry

 can be particularly ferocious.

Siblings typically spend more time together

 than with their parents during childhood.

The relationship between siblings is frequently

 strained and is influenced by a variety of factors,

 including parenting styles, birth order, temperaments, 

and experiences with other family members and

 the outside world.

Sibling rivalry can be particularly intense if they 

are around the same age, gender, or if one or both 

of them are naturally talented, high achievers, 

socially adept, or academically gifted.

It's a well-known fact that during our formative

 years, we usually spend more time with our 

siblings than with our parents. 

Sibling rivalry can be upsetting and even 

saddening, but because of the special bond that

 siblings often develop as children, many of 

these relationships, through the years, become 





 Our sinful nature shows up early in life.

What is... 

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry is the jealousy, disputes,

squabbles, clashes, and animosity 

between siblings. 

It is the competition for parental love, 

attention, and approval,

and it can involve fighting for everything from toys, 

who controls the remote, time in the bathroom,

and who gets the last glass of lemonade.

In many instances...

sibling rivalry is a common 

problem with growing families.

Sibling rivalry occurs amongst siblings

 who live under the same roof 

and/or share at least one of the same parents.

Sibling rivalry has been one of the oldest 

problems throughout all humanity. 

Sibling rivalry is inevitable 

because we were sinful at birth.

We were sinful from the time our mothers 

conceived us. All men inherited a corrupt 

sin nature. 

Psalm 51: 5

  Sibling rivalry usually starts 

right before or soon after

 the arrival of the second child. 

Most often, sibling rivalry starts

 right after the birth of another child.

Sibling rivalry is as old and as unavoidable

 as time itself. 

It is the "Bad blood", unfriendliness, 

malice, loathing, tension,

feuding, or hostility 

between brothers and/or sisters 

which manifests itself in circumstances 

much like the sibling rivalry 

as seen in the pages of the Bible.

One of the first stories 

within the pages of the Bible 

points to sibling 

rivalry between two brothers, 

Cain and Abel.

The story of Cain and Abel 

tells of one brother's jealousy

after God appeared to favor his sibling.

Cain's jealousy ultimately led to murder.

God looked with favor on Abel and his offering,

 but on Cain and his offering 

he did not look with favor.

Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

God asked Cain, Why are you angry? 

Why is your face downcast?

 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?

But if you do not do what is right, 

sin is crouching at your door;

it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.

God warned Cain about potential sin.

But even so, Cain murdered Abel.

Then God asked to Cain, 

Where is your brother Abel?

I don't know, he replied...

This was the first case of  sibling rivalry ... 

with dire consequences.

Gen. 4:4-9 

Does one have a moral obligation 

to attend to the well-being

 of their brothers and sisters?

 The older brother, Cain, 

was irritated at constantly 

having to help take care

of his younger brother, Abel, 

and kept asking his parents:

 God does not respond directly, 

but of course, the answer is:

The story of these two brothers had a tragic ending;

Cain rose up against, his brother, Abel

 and killed him

(and this, according to the Bible, 

was the first murder in history).  

The fact that this is one of the first stories 

within the Bible

 shows the great importance given to

the problem of sibling rivalry.

"Who are those that I should consider 

as my brothers and sisters?"

Jesus and His Apostles repeatedly tell their followers 

to "Love one another as brothers." 

This repeated admonition may tend to give 

a certain impression that 

"Brotherly love" is a natural condition 

that will come forth "By itself"

whenever there are brothers or sisters within a family, 

and that parents don't have to do anything except 

relax and watch the unfolding 

of this wonderful "natural" phenomenon... 

not so.

Nowadays, most parents don't seem 

very concerned with 

the possible occurrence of this problem 

within their families.

As parents, we have the task of 

smoothing jealous feelings among our children

and promoting sibling harmony.


Siblings can grasp rules

of the house and know how to hug

 and be kind to one another as early 

as 18 months.

 By the time they turn three, 

children have an advanced grasp 

of social norms, can analyse how 

they stack up against their siblings, 

and can adjust to changes in their 

everyday life.  

Jacob was jealous of Esau's birthright

and his father's favoritism. 

Genesis 25:28-34

Rebekah overheard Isaac's decision to bless Esau.

Rebekah loved Jacob more.

She schemed to get the blessing for Jacob. 

Genesis 27:8-10,14-17

Rebekah knew that God had chosen Jacob 

from the beginning. 

Genesis 25:23

Rebekah and Isaac were united in marriage, 

but separate in spirit. Rebekah and Isaac drew 

their sons into their conflict.

As parents, we have the task of 

promoting a peaceful coexistence

among our children and promoting

 sibling peace and harmony within 

the family structure.

Catch children being and doing the right thing. 

React to children's polite, constructive, and sensible pleas for recognition.

By refraining from comparing or stereotyping our children, 

putting together enjoyable family activities, and ensuring

that each child has enough space and privacy for themselves, 

parents can lessen the likelihood of rivalry. We  can also 

give each child our full attention, promote teamwork, 

refuse to use one child?like the oldest?as an example for

 others (like the younger ones), and avoid showing favoritism.

  It may be less likely for children to use confrontational 

attention-getting approaches if parents practiced healthy ways 

to interact with them when they need their attention.


Leah was jealous of Rachel's beauty 

(Gen. 29:17).

The rivalry between Leah and Rachel was bitter,

made worse by their father Laban,

a devious and unscrupulous man.

Leah and Rachel competed for Jacob's love.


Jacob made the mistake of giving Joseph

a richly ornamented robe.

"And his brothers saw that their father loved Joseph 

more than all his brothers ..." 

 (Gen. 37:4).

In other words, 

Jacob's other sons perceived that as favoritism.

If parents show favoritism toward a child,

they can harm and even destroy sibling relationships.

Joseph's brothers were jealous and referred to him

as "your (Jacob's) son" instead of "our brother" 

(Gen. 37:19,26-28,31-32).

 They would not speak a kind word to Joseph.

They called Joseph a dreamer.

They plotted to kill him

 and sold him in spite of his pleadings.

They had no love for Joseph.

Joseph's Dream

 Joseph had a difficult journey. 

This young man was hated 

for being the object of his father's affection 

and for having a gift that was given to him by God.

Jacob favored Joseph because 

he was Rachel's child and the son of his old age. 

He also favored Joseph because 

he was much younger than most of his brothers, 

and he was a good, faithful, 

and thoughtful young man. 

Joseph did what was right, 

while his older brothers often did very wrong things. 

Joseph sometimes brought back bad reports

 about his brothers, and this made them very angry. 

When Joseph shared his dreams with his brothers,

he was not trying to set himself above his brothers. 

He was simply sharing and hoping that

he was going to receive clarity about his dreams. 

Joseph's brothers did not like his dreams

because they thought Joseph felt 

he was better than they were.

When his brothers saw that their father loved him more

 than all his brothers, they hated him, 

and could not speak peaceably to him. 

And his brothers said to him,

 Shall you indeed reign over us?

Or shall you indeed have dominion over us?

So they hated him even more

 for his dreams and for his words. 

Genesis 37:8

Joseph was so focused on how great his dreams were 

for him, he did not begin to consider 

how the dreams would sound in the ears of others.

Have you ever been in a place like this?

A place where you were NOT trying to brag or boast,

 but you simply needed clarity? 

In ancient times, dreams were a serious matter, treated

with respect. God often used dreams to tell of some future

event, or warn people of approaching times of crisis.

Those who were able to interpret dreams quickly rose to

positions of importance within the empire. 

 So as the story goes... 

a few days later Joseph's father asked him 

to check on his brothers. 

They were in the fields quite a distance away. 

So Joseph went to find them.

When the brothers saw Joseph in the distance,

they recognized him by his brightly ornamented robe;

and one said to another: 

"Look, that dreamer is coming!"

 They began to talk to each other 

about how they could get rid of him.

"Come, let us kill him, and throw his body into a pit,

and tell our father that some wild beast has eaten him;

and then we will see what becomes of his dreams."

When Reuben, Joseph's oldest brother,

heard this he felt more kindly toward Joseph.  

He said, "Let's not kill him, just throw him in a well

out here in the field." He said this because he was secretly

planning to come back and rescue Joseph when the other

brothers had left.

So when Joseph came to them,

they took off his beautiful robe

and they threw him in an empty well.

The brothers must have had a perverse pleasure

as they ripped the brightly ornamented robe off Joseph, 

and it must have been particularly painful 

for Joseph to have it torn off  him.

A little while later, a group of traders came by
that were wanting to sell some things in Egypt.

The heartless character of these brothers was clear -

they ate a meal with Joseph nearby in the pit.

How heartless...

that one can sit down and enjoy food

while their hearts were bent on murdering their brother.

One of the brothers spoke up,

"Why don't we sell him to these people,

 this way we never have to see him again,

and we don't have to kill him."

he other brothers liked this idea,

so they sold Joseph to the traders

who were going to Egypt. 

 They put Joseph's dreams to the ultimate test. 

If the dreams really were from God,

they would not be defeated by the hatred of the brothers.

Unfortunately, Reuben had been working 

and did not see what happened.  

When he returned to the well he noticed 

that Joseph was gone. 

He was sold to an important man named Potiphar, 

an assistant to the Pharaoh of Egypt.

 As the eldest, 

Reuben could have simply said to his brothers, 

This is wrong! We can't do this! 

Reuben wanted to do right by Joseph, 

but did not want to alienate his brothers.

His desire to be nice to everyone 

failed to prevent a great evil.

The evil doings of Joseph's brothers 

were ordained of God 

and meant for the good.

 The rest of the brothers 

took Joseph's beautiful robe

and dipped it in animal blood

and took it back to their father.

When the father saw this he cried, 

"Some animal has killed my son."

 And he cried for many days, 

so much that nobody could comfort him.

 All the brothers kept silent about the truth. 


Sometimes people in life who are closest to us 

can misunderstand our intentions 

and try to cause us grief.

 If only Joseph's brothers 

would have been more discerning 

as opposed to jealous, they would have known 

that they had the same gift as Joseph. 

While we may not be born into families of people

 who think like us and share our values,

there are many people in the world 

who can provide the support

that our family members may be unable to give. 


Afterwards, Joseph was escorted to Potiphar's place. 

Joseph started out as a slave, 

but God was with Joseph 

and He helped him do everything right. 

So Potiphar made him his helper, 

and put Joseph in charge of everything that he owned.

Joseph, later, found himself entangled

 in a mansion trap with Potiphar's wife.

Joseph rejected the overtures of Potiphar's wife.

In turning to run from her room 

Potiphar's wife pulled and ripped

the outer garment away from Joseph's shoulders. 

 Potiphar's wife lied about Joseph to her husband,

so Potiphar had Joseph put into jail.

    Occasionally, as we climb up the next rung 
of the ladder we may encounter weak steps 

that will try to cause us to fail and fall.

This was clearly an attempt for Joseph to 

do both. 

God was still with Joseph in jail, and the 

warden put Joseph in charge of all the prisoners.

He never worried because God was with him

and helped him do everything right.


 After Joseph had been in jail for some time 

a cup bearer and baker to Pharaoh had been 

sent there. 

One night each of them had a dream. 

They told their dreams to Joseph 

and he told the cup bearer that he would 

soon be let out of jail.  

"Please tell Pharaoh about me, 

and ask him to get me out of here." 

Joseph said.

When the cup bearer was freed 

he forgot about what Joseph did. 

So Joseph stayed in jail for two 

more years. 

One day the Pharaoh had a dream,

 and nobody could explain it to him. 

The cup bearer then remembered 

what Joseph had done for him, 

and Joseph was brought to Pharaoh.

"Can you understand dreams?"  

Pharaoh asked.

"I can't, but God helps me."

Joseph replied.


After Pharaoh had told him his dream 

Joseph explained, "God is warning you.  

There will be seven years when nothing 

will grow and there won't be any food for 


"What can I do?" Pharaoh asked. 

"God has shown you what to do.

There will be seven years before the bad 

years that will be very good. So good that 

there will be extra food for everyone.

So you should save a little bit of each years

 harvest, that way you will have enough 

to get you through the bad years." 

Joseph said. 


Pharaoh believed all that Joseph told him, 

and made him governor of all the land of Egypt.

more power than 

Joseph in Egypt!

Joseph organized the land and set up a system

for collecting grain.

The seven years of plenty soon passed by,

 and then came the years of need. 

In all the lands around people were hungry, 

and there was no food for them to eat; 

but in the land of Egypt everybody had enough.

Most of the people soon used up the grain that

 they had saved: many had saved none at all, 

and they all cried to the king to help them. 

"Go to Joseph," said King Pharaoh, "

and do whatever he tells you to do."

Then the people came to Joseph,  

and Joseph opened the storehouses.

They sold to the people all the grain that they wished to buy.  

And not only the people of Egypt came to buy grain,

but people of all the lands around as well, 

for there was great need and famine everywhere.

And the need was as great in the land of Canaan, 

where Jacob lived, as in other lands.  

Jacob was rich in flocks and cattle, 

and gold and silver; but his fields gave no grain,  

and there was danger that his family and his people would starve.


And Jacob, who was now called Israel also, 

heard that there was food in Egypt, 

and he said to his sons:

"Why do you look at each other, asking what to do to find food?

I have been told that there is grain in Egypt. 

Go down to that land, 

and take money with you, and buy grain, 

so that we may have bread, and may live." 

People came from all countries to buy grain from Joseph, 

because the whole world was in need of food.

  Some of those people were Joseph's brothers.

They did not know him, as a grown man, 

dressed as a prince, 

and seated on a throne. 

It had been almost twenty-three years since they had sold him. 

But Joseph knew them all, as soon as he saw them. 

He resolved to be sharp and stern with them, 

not because he hated them, 

but because he wished to see what their spirit was, 

and whether they were as selfish, 

and cruel, and wicked as they had been in other days.

They came before him, and bowed, with their faces to the ground. 

Then, no doubt, 

Joseph thought of the dream that had come to him 

while he was a boy, 

of his brothers' sheaves bending down around his sheaf.

He spoke to them as a stranger, 

as if he did not understand their language. 

After a few meetings with his brothers 

he could not keep it in any longer

and Joseph said to his brothers, 

"I am Joseph! 

Is my father alive?"  

But his brothers couldn't answer him 

because they were afraid. 

Then Joseph said, "Come here. 

I am your brother, the one you sold! 

Do not worry, and do not be angry at yourselves for selling me,

because God has put me here to save people from starving." 

Joseph refused to be a slave to bitterness. 

He let his anger towards his brothers go

and told them not to hate themselves for what they had done.

 Although Joseph's brothers did terrible things to him,

Joseph forgave them because he loved God and his brothers. 

 Joseph's impulse was to take care of his family. 

So his father, his brothers, and their families

came to live in Egypt with Joseph,

and they had all the food they needed.

 There was an obvious change in Joseph's life.

Joseph went in as a slave but his unique, 

God-given ability to interpret dreams

brought him out as a governor.

He went from rags to riches, 

from the pit to the palace... in literally one day!

Joseph's God-given ability to interpret dreams 

allowed him to enlighten Pharaoh

and Joseph's situation was enlivened by God.  

Based on Genesis 37


Parents play a huge role

 in creating jealousy amongst siblings. 

In some instances,

situations are caused by the parents 

which can perpetuate bitter sibling rivalry.

 The greater the difference in the maternal affection and attention, 

the more hostility and conflict between the siblings.


Sibling rivalry can begin, in some cases,

even before a child is born and can... and often does... 

continue into adulthood.

Sometimes, siblings who fought as children,  

grow up to find that their sibling 

has become their worst enemy!

Some sibling rivalry can cause permanent enmity

 between adult siblings.  

Some psychologists believe that moderate doses of sibling rivalry 

can help children learn to share, 

compromise, and negotiate with others.

Many children are fortunate enough

to become the best of friends with their siblings; 

however, it is also common for siblings to go back and forth 

between loving and respecting to loathing one another! 

Sadly, some families are ripped apart 

by jealousy, rage, and indignation. 

Siblings who age and continue to dislike each other

 tend to be more distrustful 

and their outcomes tend to be extremely bad or serious.

Discord sown early can endure for a lifetime.

On the other hand, 

those adults who have less sibling rivalry

can provide more support and companionship, 

share beautiful memories, 

and help each other more through life's inevitable changes.

Closeness can be a beautiful thing...

especially, when we need a shoulder to cry on,

want to vent our frustrations, 

or have to make difficult family decisions.

Adult siblings should provide encouragement... not judgment. 

They should know how to motivate, nurture, fight fairly,

and be civil with one another.

Sibling rivalry is a difficult and sometimes painful issue

for many families to deal with. 



It is very common for children

to regard the new baby as an intruder.

For a moment...

let us try putting ourselves behind 

the eyes of that older child.

When the first child is born, 

ALL of the parents' available 

time and attention is only for that one child.

   Siblings can be profoundly affected

by their mother's interaction

with the new baby.

  The new baby is always in mom's arms, 

and mommy's lap and caresses seem to be disappearing...

from the older sibling's perspective.

 When friends and relatives come to visit,

even they may pay more attention to the baby

than to the older child.


    It will always take time for the first child to get used to

a new baby vying for its mother's affections.

 Getting the elder child involved in the baby's routine early on 

can help to make them feel included.

The older child was the center of attention for years,

until all of a sudden, a new baby comes into the home 

and gets lots of presents and requires a little more of mommy time. 

That means a little less quality time for mommy to spend with the other child(ren).

From a young age,

 siblings are sensitive to differences in parental treatment.

The older and sometimes the younger sibling

 might be jealous of the attention that the other gets.

Sometimes sibling rivalry can be a personality clash between siblings, 

but quite often, it is feelings such as jealousy 

which cause sibling rivalry.


  Some siblings will always feel that the other one

 is being given more privileges

and more freedom than they are. 

But no matter why it happens, 

it still needs to be addressed 

so that everyone can get along.

Sometimes sibling rivalry doesn't start 

until later in the sibling relationship. 

Nobody can really predict the effect 

that a second child will have on the first.

It is important to remember that every child is different

and reacts differently to the arrival of a sibling.

 It can continue as the children grow and compete

for everything from toys to attention.


As disturbing as it might be in your household it is rare to find a family without this friction.

Sibling rivalry is one of the oldest problems 

and can be a persistent problem for all sentient beings. 


"Me first!"

"I'm going to tell!" 

 "Stop it!"

"Give it back!"

"It's Mine!" 



Does any of this sound familiar

  If you have more than one child, 

the answer is probably "Yes," 

because the sounds of bickering, 

battling and fighting between siblings

is a common, difficult, and sometimes painful struggle 

in many families. 


In nature, the competition is usually for food. 

Whenever there are two individuals or species 

that consume the same type of food in the same area (or habitat) 

they will fight with each other

until one of them manages to kill or drive the other out,

leaving the winner with the exclusive use of the food resources 

available in that area. 

Just as siblings may scuffle over who gets the front seat

 or access to the TV remote control,

some bird siblings jock for position in their nests.

Those with winning moves can sit in the spot 

where mom is most likely to deliver food.        

Sibling rivalry arises between dogs

 when there is instability in the dominance hierarchy.

Dogs usually establish their dominance hierarchies 

through a series of ritualized behaviors that include body postures, 

giving each other looks and vocalizations. 

Soon the dogs start to growl over space or other resources.

In many homes, dominance is settled by one dog snarling a challenge 

and the other dog accepting a subordinate role.

 In nature there are some extreme cases of sibling rivalry.

  For example, as baby sharks develop within the mother shark's womb,

the biggest baby shark devours all of his brothers and sisters, 

ensuring for himself all of the available food resources. 

  A similar competition exists between siblings in human families.


 The sibling bond is often complicated 

and is influenced by factors such as

 parental treatment,

birth order, personality, as well as, 

interactions with others 

and experiences outside the family. 

Once in a while it is worth secretly watching 

how siblings behave together. 


If each child feels valued and loved,

and is not compared to his or her siblings,

then sibling rivalry should not become

a serious problem in the family.


 As siblings reach different stages of development,

their evolving needs can significantly affect

how they relate to one another. 

Some children welcome
 a brother or sister into the home as a playmate.  

 Sibling rivalry can involve aggression. 

The older child can become aggressive, act out,

or regress (act more like a baby).

 Young children are capable of experiencing anger

and jealousy and may vent their feelings

through unkind words and acts.

Research indicates that the older child's personality

has the most effect on how they react to a new baby. 

Rivalry is particularly intense

when children are of the same gender. 

 Sibling rivalry usually continues throughout childhood.

When fighting turns into constant arguments,

fights, and the creation of some

potentially dangerous situations,

it should be dealt with... immediately!

Sibling abuse is not to be tolerated. 

If danger is apparent, remember safety first.

When in doubt, intervene.

We must nip verbal and/or physical abuse 

in the bud before it gets out of hand.

Both experience and research has shown 

that without parental guidance, 

siblings with bad relationships are likely

 to grow into adults with bad relationships. 

The more they are allowed to fight as children, 

the more they are likely to fight as adults.


Parents need to uncover the underlying fuel

for siblings arguing and fighting.

Underneath the bickering and fighting

 could be a heart issue. 

It could be selfishness, jealousy, fear, 

defiance, or unkindness. 

It may be that some children act out 

because they are getting too much 

or not enough attention.


Being complacent and concluding that childhood relationships 

will naturally grow from squabbling to peaceful... 

is being naïve. 

It does not. 

The relationship is likely to get more intense 

when children grow up.

The abuse will not

if parents ignore it... 

look the other way... 

blame the victim... 

excuse it as sibling rivalry... 

or fail to believe their children

 when they are told about the abuse. 

Sibling abuse,

 and a parents negative response to abuse, 

can cause major problems 

during their tender years 

and as they become adults.

Let us therefore make every effort 

to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

Romans 14:9

The home and family 

is the first social relationship

 that children learn. 

Parents should give clear messages 

about how they expect their children

to behave toward one another 

before arguments become a way of life.


Parents can reduce the opportunity for sibling rivalry 

by creating clear boundaries 

for what is and what is not acceptable in the home. 

 Children need to be told

 that to belittle, attack, or laugh at another's expense

is not funny, cute, or right. 

Small insecure people belittle others.  

Children need to know that how they treat others...

speaks volumes about themselves.

When each child in a family feels 

like they are special to their parents, 

sibling rivalry tends to decrease. 

Parents should teach children to be kind and loving 

toward one another.

Parents should refuse to compare 

or hold up one child as a role model 

or show favoritism toward a particular child.

Parents should make it known 

that they value their children's relationship to each other, 

and expect them to value each other also. 

Parents should offer their children 

inspirational, encouraging, 

and edifying reminders such as:

Bullying in the home can be worse

 than on the school campus

because the victim must live with this every day. 

Parents should make it crystal clear 

that bullying will not be allowed. 

Let us always remember and never forget:

The deposits we make into our children's lives

 should be firm and genuine. 

Our children need to be held accountable.  

They need to know that God knows all... sees all... and that

everything is happening under God's watchful eye and His careful supervision.

Children need to understand that they are to treat other people, 

siblings included, and their possessions with respect...

"Doing unto others as they would have others do to them." 


God has given us the responsibility of training and educating our children well,

and sibling rivalry affords us another opportunity to do just that.



And we know that God causes all things to work together for good

to those who love God,

to those who are called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28   


"Brotherly love" should be synonymous with 

"Pure and unselfish love." 

 May we share responsibility toward all human beings. 

May we treat our neighbors with kindness,

the poor with generosity  

and our siblings with both.


Dear Parents,

Whatever you are facing, as a parent, 

and no matter how difficult your circumstances 

may appear to be...

God says to you, "Be Strong." 

Be strong in God... not in yourself. 

Be strong in the power of God's might. 

For it is not by your might nor your power, 

but by God's Spirit that you shall overcome.  

Stay encouraged.


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